The Family Mediation Blog
Letter from Past President Barbara Kellman
Tuesday, July 24, 2018Dear Colleagues,
It has been an honor to serve for two years as MCFM President. Now if I could only convince Mr. Trump of the value of a two-year presidency. . . but, back to reality.
Our profession is extraordinarily important as we encourage parties to actually listen to and to hear the real (i.e., non-fake) needs and interests of each other. Whether their needs and interests intersect only a bit or a lot, in one place or in several, it is our job to help them to see and strengthen those intersection(s).
Easier Said Than Done
Though it is easier said than done, like our Senator Warren, we Persist. We seek connections that have been lost or perhaps were never sufficiently strong. We promote disclosure in situations that can be fraught with mistrust, suspicion, and secrecy. We encourage looking forward through the whole, wide windshield in front of us and not back through the small rearview mirror, as Kate Fanger taught me.
Why do...
In Memoriam: June Adams Johnson
Monday, May 28, 2018In Memoriam: June Adams Johnson
Our friend and colleague June Adams Johnson passed away on April 18, 2018 in her home in Groton, MA, surrounded by family and accompanied by the music of the Threshold Singers of Indian Hill Music. She was a wonderful person and a valued member of our Mediators Education and Support Group, which meets monthly in Interpeople’s offices in Littleton, MA. Her passing was sudden and we still feel shocked and bereft.
June was born June Louise Adams in Portland, Maine, on June 1, 1939. She leaves behind her devoted (second) husband, Steve Lieman, four adult children, five grandchildren and one great-granddaughter.
June graduated high school as...
President's Message: 2020: A Vision for the Future of MCFM
Monday, May 21, 2018PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE:
2020: A VISION FOR THE FUTURE OF MCFM
by Vicki L. Shemin, J.D., LICSW, ACSW
As the 24th President of MCFM, it is a formidable task to pen a President’s message. In thinking about all that I would like to convey, I was struck by the fact that my presidency will span the years 2018-2020.
2020.
The irony of 2020 did not escape me. The familiar maxim that “hindsight is 20-20” is commonly understood to mean that we don’t always see clearly in the moment and that we only gain a perfect view of events after they have transpired - - that is, we are better able to evaluate past choices in retrospect rather than at the time of the occurrence.
But what if one had the benefit of an amazing Board of Directors who brings a perfect equipoise of past experience and fresh insights? And, what if one had the benefit of energetic and...
The Generous Prenup: How to Support Your Marriage and Avoid the Pitfalls
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
“The Generous Prenup: How to Support Your Marriage and Avoid the Pitfalls”
by Laurie Israel
As some of you may know, I spent a good part of the past 3 years writing a book about prenups. Our mediation (and law) practices sometimes take interesting turns. I started out as a tax lawyer, and then morphed into a general practice lawyer, concentrating on family law and estate planning. I’ve been practicing for a little over 30 years.
About 10 years ago, after representing a number clients in prenup negotiations, I wrote an article called “Ten Things I Hate about Prenuptial Agreements” and posted it online. This was during the relative infancy of the World Wide Web. Because the article was written by a lawyer, and because it struck a...
The Amygdala Diaries
Monday, April 2, 2018
The Amygdala Diaries
by David Kellem
Mediators are challenged to guide clients through a lot of obstacles along the way to settlement. One physically small but stealthy and strong obstacle is the human amygdala. Amygdalae are almond-shaped organs in the left and right hemispheres of our brains that can subconsciously derail rational negotiation.
The amygdala, it turns out, is the root of some of our less-rational and more problematic behaviors. It has been identified as a primary organ of the paleomamillian mind - the mind of early human beings who spent their days mostly just trying to survive in a hostile world full of beasts of prey and other physical threats. The amygdala is an alarm system and an army all in one. If it senses...
Revoking the Irrevocable Trust in a Divorce - Or - Never Say Can't, Say Decant! - Part II*
Monday, March 19, 2018Revoking the Irrevocable Trust in a Divorce - Or - Never Say Can't, Say Decant! - Part II*
Even with Pfannenstiehl behind us, the complex interplay of the irrevocable trust and divorce continues to vex practitioners. The topic du jour is decanting and divorce -- and the SJC just dove right in with Ferri v. Powell Ferri, 476 Mass. 651 (2017).
Before we go further, a quick primer. “Decanting” is the process of pouring assets from an irrevocable trust into a newly created trust. The big question at the heart of decanting and divorce: what if, during (or anticipating) a divorce, the trustee decanted the assets into a newly created trust that was, say, more...
How does a Mediator become Certified?
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
In Massachusetts, as in most states, there is no certification or license provided by the Commonwealth certifying mediators. Under the mediator confidentiality statute, Massachusetts General Laws, Chapter 233, Section 23C, mediators who have taken at least 30 hours of training and meet other requirements, have confidentiality protections in their client communications. However, the trainings are not monitored by the Commonwealth and a trained mediator is not the same as a certified mediator.
Some private organizations do provide certification for mediators, including MCFM. If you see a mediator claiming to be certified you should ask what organization has provided their certification and what are the...
Branding your Mediation Practice
Friday, February 16, 2018
Just like any other profession, being trained as a mediator doesn't lead directly to having mediation cases. Finding mediation clients, getting experience, and building a knowledge base requires both new and experienced mediators to do things that aren't taught in the mediation training. To be an active mediator and build a practice, mediators must also learn how to run their business and how to market themselves. The simplest and first thing you can do is start telling people that you are a trained mediator.
If you want people to think of you as a mediator, then you have to make that a core part of your identity and branding. Put mediator on your business card, add it to the title of your business, and include it in your e-mail signature. If you're a member of a mediation related organization, advertise that...
Listen In
Thursday, January 25, 2018
Listen In
Mediators rarely accompany their clients to court during their divorce hearings. Most clients don’t share their court experience with their mediators. Even when clients do report what happened in court, their recollections are always subjective, and often imprecise. Now there is an alternative.
Audio recordings and transcripts of virtually all Massachusetts court proceedings are now available to the public online, including contested and uncontested matters. Everyone: parties, lawyers, and non-lawyer mediators, may register and listen to verbatim court proceedings through a program called “For the Record” (the website with information through the Massachusetts Courts is...
Recommended Books for Family Mediators
Friday, December 8, 2017
A recent e-mail thread between mediators on the MCFM Board discussed the importance of sharing our favorite mediation-related books with our fellow family mediators. To that end, we are inviting you to comment on this post with a recommendation of your favorite book related to mediation or conflict resolution. John Fiske graciously agreed to start us off with a poem and three recommendations:
I hope these blurbs are good for your blog
And help us begin a real dialogue
To find the right book by hook or by crook
To strengthen your neutral and wise outlook.
1. A Guide to Divorce Mediation, Gary Friedman, Workman Publishing (1993). The book opens with a...
